stuck in the secondary

The past few months I have been at home. Letting the Lord grow this baby inside me and taking on a more proactive role in running our household.

Just like anything this off time has it’s pros and cons. I have plenty of time  which has been used either to feel sorry for myself that I am not out living some grand adventure or to really DIG IN to scripture and learn to live in awe of this grand adventure as a daughter of the King that I actually am on…thankfully the days filled with the latter outweigh the former.

The word has come ALIVE to me in this season. Why now? Why do I suddenly hunger and thirst for more of it? Because I’m reading it.

Ironic? The more I GET by really studying and meditating and taking TIME, the more I WANT. It’s such a no brainer, and yet so profound. God really does know me and want me to know more of Him and He WILL reveal Himself through His word. The catch is I have to BE IN IT! duh.

A girlfriend I met at church here in Valdez and I would go on regular coffee dates almost since we moved here last January. We’d mostly vent to each other and then offer some encouragement for whatever crisis what currently taking over most of our brain capacity that week. We both longer for great fellowship and to get back into studying the Word. So we started meeting at her house on Tuesday mornings and decided to read through 1 Corinthians together instead of just venting:) Whoa. What a difference.

Not one week later we had grown from the two of us to 5 of us women. With each new addition our individual eagerness to glean something from these Tuesday mornings really grew. Now every Tuesday at 10, we all come on time, we all ask for prayer, we remember what the others had asked for last week and genuinely want to know how God is working in each other’s lives. We all do outside reading and studying of the agreed on chapters so our discussion can be more than just speculation and opinion based. It’s so refreshing.

And it’s hilarious that I’m so surprised by this development in my life- By this group of young women who really don’t have much in common besides the primary thing. I have had this before. I have LIVED this before. But it’s been about 5 years and it’s a much different context than a dorm full of best friends who not only read together but eat, sleep, dream, study, laugh and cry together too. I spent the first 2 years of our marriage really mourning the loss of community I had with my besties and roommates who really are my sisters in Christ. It had a lot to do with the fact that I transferred colleges to finish up at the University of Alaska and get married in the meantime. My husband was now my live in community and whoa was that a change. But it was so purposeful. Leave and cleave. It was harder for me, but now we both see the immeasurable value of literally moving away from all of our friends and family to a small Alaskan village to learn how to be married. That was such a tumultuous season, but so necessary.

Now, in our 4th year of our still imperfect but now solid (PRAISE THE LORD) marriage I have been blessed with female community again. Not the live in kind (gosh I still miss them) that knows immediately if I get a zit, that shares groceries but makes me buy my own jar of peanut butter, and knows first hand my guilty pleasure of sleeping 10 hours a night. But the adult kind that knows what I mean when I say meal planning on Monday morning has changed my life. It’s a new season and the Lord has brought along new friends for a new time.

But the POINT IS whether it is for a grade in Exodus/Deuteronomy class sitting beside my roommate in front of Dr. Yarchin, or whether it is to have something to share around the coffee table with the ladies on Tuesday morning- studying the word in community is the kind of accountability that I need.

It’s given me a renewed excitement for the text, a renewed surprise for the constant application it has for my life, a renewed JOY at the guidelines for living God’s way.


And it literally brings me to tears what the Holy Spirit has revealed to me about that desire. That THIS is what this time off was about all along. THIS is the preparation I need before becoming a mother. The do-to lists before baby comes on Pinterest are NOTHING compared to the preparation of the heart that the Lord is working in me through this time of study.

Because more than being the mom who has all the answers, who has it all together, I want to be the mom on her knees before the living God day after day after day running the race for an imperishable crown (1 Cor. 9:25)

Because even this profound new role of mother is SECONDARY.

I am first, and foremost a child of God set on this earth to bring glory to HIM by becoming a partaker in HIS gospel (1 Cor. 23).

As Paul answers the Corinthians urgent questions of circumcision (1 Cor. 7:19), of the eating of idol meat (1 Cor. 8), and marriage (1 Cor. 7), he does have answers that helped guide them in the direction of God’s will but the overall theme is clear- these aspects of life are ALL secondary.

The SECONDARY question should be- should I get married?

The PRIMARY questions should be- how can I honor God in my earthly relationships?

The SECONDARY question- Do I buy the Chicco key fit carseat or the Graco snug ride?

The PRIMARY– Am I living as an obedient daughter of the Lord so that even from an infant my child will learn from my example?

And so my prayer in this season of life is that I would be no longer STUCK in the SECONDARY.

That I might be so in tune with the Holy Spirit in me through the spending of TIME in His Word, that I might start to live with the PRIMARY in mind. That I might care more about the spiritual growth of my child than his or her worldly performance, and on and on.

God reveal to me the areas in my life where I put primary what you put secondary so that I might live in greater communion with you…

That I might “run in such a way, as not without aim; box in such a way, as not beating the air; but (that I might) discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others (after I have lived out my life in this secondary realm with YOUR primary focus), I myself will not be disqualified.” 1 Cor. 9:26-27

There is SO much more. Take me deeper in. 


Created to be His Help Meet

back in JANUARYISH 2012

I was about to be a new bride. I was about to become the wife of the most passionate person I had ever met and I was


He had a past. We all do, but he had an unfair disadvantage to life even before he came into the world. His parent’s marriage was built on the lies of his father. And after he was born things went from bad to worse as they say.

He was damaged. I was innocent.

He wasn’t satisfied with shallow. I wasn’t inclined to work for deep.

His life was hard. Mine was easy. Life with him would be hard. Was I ready to give up my easy?

I love my parents and I admire their 25+ years of faithful marriage, but Tyler added a whole new dimension to my world- his take on the Christian life matched his intensity as a person. He couldn’t/can’t be luke warm. EVER. He’s hot or cold, one or the other, ALL THE TIME. And I was scared to jump in as his wife- for good reason…

(at least I was taking the idea of a marital vow before God seriously)

Enter Mr. & Mrs. B. Newly weds, a few years older than us, just as committed to living out a biblical marriage as “We” were. (We weren’t we yet and it was mostly Tyler who knew what “we” wanted in a marriage. I was actually pretty clueless.) Tyler knew them previously, but now they were married and super stoked to pass on everything they were learning about living a biblical marriage today.

Mrs. B was awesome. I really had never met anyone like her. She was totally open about intimate marriage issues like sex, addictions, physical intimacy before marriage, and past relationship problems affecting the marriage relationship. She was a wealth of needed information.

Thank you Mrs. B. I want to be a friend like you.

All that to say- Mrs. B gave me this book. And it helped me IMMENSELY as I tried to figure out who this guy was I was marrying and HOW to be HIS wife according to the standards presented in the bible.

Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl

I am so thankful that my friend shared this book with me even before I was married because it acknowledges HUGE points of misconception we women have today about what it means to be a wife. Words like HELP MEET, SUBMISSIVENESS, RESPECT, SOBRIETY, DISCREET, CHASTE, KEEPERS AT HOME, AND OBEDIENT are biblical and yet for so many Christian women they sound the alarm to “stand up for our rights” “be independent” and “answer to no one but ourselves” as the feminists of previous generations have drilled into our brains. This book gives an unapologetic and straightforward answer to how to be a biblical wife in today’s world by getting back to what it means to be a HELP MEET and consequently how to have a joyful and satisfying marriage. What Christian wife wouldn’t want those things?