everybody needs mom

feeding at 3:30am, baby doesn’t go back to sleep until 5:30am, hubby asks if I want to get up with him at 6:30am, baby wakes up hearing our conversation…feeding at 6:45am, up for morning routine at 7am.

Teagan Noelle is 2&1/2 months old. I read “On Becoming Baby Wise” before she was born and have more or less stuck to their scheduled feeding routine that says will help teach your baby to sleep through the night by 8 weeks. And let me tell you- it works. Even more than a set schedule is their promotion of a set routine of Eat-Wake-Sleep which helps baby learn the difference between day time and night time. We really started implementing it when she was about 3 weeks old and by 7 weeks she was starting to sleep 7-8 hours at a time and by 8 weeks that was the new normal. I know everyone has a different philosophy about how to best meet the needs of a newborn, some say never wake a baby (we wake her during the day for feedings every 2.5-3 hours), but this has clearly worked for us and I’m so thankful.

All that to say…even with her sleeping 7-8 hour stretches at night I am WORN OUT.

Teag’s 7-8 hours of sleep means more like 5-6 hours for me after cleaning up dinner, bedtime routine, talking business with hubby, relaxing with him, usually massaging his back (he’s in construction), watching an episode of some crime show, and finally laying down in my sweet sweet bed and immediately passing out. Hubby’s love language is quality time, so when he comes through that door at 6pm (usually working from 6am-5:30pm) it’s HIS time and all he wants is MY time.

So when is ME time? I’m still trying to figure that one out. I’m stealing a few minutes now just to get some word vomit therapy in while bubba girl naps.

I’m a self proclaimed social introvert. That means I genuinely like being with people, am outgoing and friendly, but I NEED time alone. That’s how I get re-energized. And even when the person I’m with ALL the time is a baby it’s draining…maybe especially because she’s a baby.

I absolutely love being a mom. I think even more than I imagined. It’s come so naturally to me. I used to joke when we were first married that becoming a wife was the hardest and more challenging and that becoming a mom would be the easiest and most natural.

Well it’s definitely come more naturally, but it’s not easy. It’s so so hard. After giving birth naturally with a midwife I said, “I don’t care if you had a natural childbirth, no matter how it happened every mother should get a medal.”

Now after being a mom for 10 weeks I think every mother should get a medal, a million dollar bonus, and their own TV show…

Because there are SO many things to do that no one gets to see. No one appreciates. Yes, baby does but she can’t give me the verbal affirmation I so crave.

So I’m learning, once again, by experience a lesson that I’ve known forever taught by scripture- 

Colossians 3:23-24

23 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men,24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.

Matthew 6:5-6

“When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, andyour Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

That it’s not for the praise of other people that I am learning how to be a good mom. It’s not for the fans of my TV show. It’s for Teagan, but not even primarily.

My work as a mom, the hardest thing I’ve ever done and continue to do day in and day out, is for the Lord. HE sees me. HE affirms me. And HE is honored by my faithfulness.

It is still hard. And it will still be hard when she’s 2 and 10 and 20. But that’s life. The greatest joys usually come from the things that are hardest. And motherhood is no exception.

I haven’t forgotten about my last post- about the strange timing of sensing God wants me to be open to something more. Well, lately I think it might be as simple as being open to accepting help. When I wrote that I assumed it would be me pouring out to someone else. But I think it was meant to teach me something else. My precious neighbor who has 2 little ones has offered to take baby a few times and I’ve taken her up on it. I’ve taken advantage of the alone time to go running and just breathe.

I don’t like accepting help. But I’m learning. And I am humbled.

Life is hard, but God is good. And baby just woke up….:)

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